"Disowning" a family member

The other day, my home phone rang (yes, I still have a land line) and my husband answered. He did not recognize the number but it was a local call so he thought it might be important. Instead, he got an automated call that was specifically looking for my brother about an outstanding bill. Keep in mind, my brother has never lived with me except when we were kids. Since about 18 years old, we have never shared the same address or phone number. We have not had the same last name in almost 20 years, when I was married and took my husband's surname. My brother is now almost 50 years old yet I have bill collectors calling my house looking for him.

I hit the roof and sent a private message via social media. Before you judge, that is the only way I know I can reach him because he changes his phone number so often that I rarely have a current number. I asked why the f**k I was getting phone calls for him from bill collectors. Then I really tore into him, telling him (more or less) to grow the f**k up and pay his f***ing bills and to keep me out of it.

He replied with this, copied verbatim:

I'm in a great mood. Not sure what's going on. No reason to say this but I have no credit cards, my car payment on time and we just bought (wife's name) a car. Unless it's an old hospital bill...be livid! I don't care! Don't ever text or invite me anywhere. You're dead to me!!! I'm only concerned about two people in my family. Wanna guess? Just remember I want nothing to do with you ever again. This is our last conversation. Have a great day

So instead of owning it, or offering to find out why someone was calling my house looking for him, he automatically turned this around on me. He never said he did anything wrong. He does mention an old hospital bill, which means he definitely has something out there that is unpaid. Regardless, he used my phone number to avoid getting calls from collectors. He never had any intention of paying the bill.

He told me not to "text or invite" him anywhere. That's funny because he never shows up for family get-togethers anyway. My kids are teenagers and barely know their uncle. My two younger nieces (both under 10) don't really know him at all. He also has a child out there somewhere, now an adult, from a pregnancy he ran away from. He literally packed his bags and moved out of town to avoid being a responsible adult. His kid is probably about 23-24 years old by now. That kid is probably better off not having a biological father in his/her life.

This is not the first time he has done this to a family member. Our mother filed bankruptcy when he kept "borrowing" money from her that she simply did not have. He took thousands of dollars from her and never paid her back. She lost her house because of him. He spent the money on cocaine. The craziest part is, our mother continues to enable him and constantly makes excuses for his irresponsible behavior.

My brother is an alcoholic, gets fired from every job he has, lies constantly, and blames everyone else for his problems. He drinks all day every Saturday and recovers from a hangover every Sunday. He is exactly like my father in every way. After my parents divorced, my dad remarried and only spent time with his new wife and her family. He had nothing to do with me and my three brothers. Now the same is happening, as my brother only spends time with his wife and her family. If I see him once a year, that is a big year. I haven't seen him since last November when he showed up at our brother's for about an hour on Thanksgiving. He did not show up for Christmas at my house. He never shows up for his nieces and nephews birthdays. Ever.

When my mom passes, I know for sure I will never see him again. For now I am not sure what to think but I know that I am not going to let this bother me. If he hates me because I called him out on his bullshit, so be it. If this is really what made him tell me I am "dead" to him, he has bigger problems than I can ever imagine. But you know what? I have more important things to worry about than whether or not a lying drunk cares about me, regardless of how we are related. Good riddance.