No justice

I'm going out on a limb here, but to deny that this white police officer killed an unarmed black man is simply turning a blind eye. I am not against the police, so don't even go there. Cops have an extremely difficult, mostly thankless job. They put in long hours away from family, often at the cost of their marriage. They deal with unbelievable stress and disrespect. They don't get paid enough to put up with the bullshit they put up with. But that is not an excuse to kill an unarmed civilian. If an officer is faced with a true threat, then force is necessary. I get it. But if you are a cop and you walk up and say out loud you are going to "kill that mother fucker" and then shoot five bullets into an unarmed man - regardless of what he was doing - you are not only a bad cop, you are a fucking murderer. Then the so-called prosecutor can't prove to a judge in a bench trial, even though there is video evidence of what actually transpired, that this officer not only committed murder but then planted evidence to try to make it look like self defense (even though DNA evidence showed otherwise)...well, how does one respond to that? Not only that, he allegedly used his personal gun - which is against police policy - to kill this man. Was it "first degree" murder as the prosecutor said? No. Was it murder? Yes. Yes, it was. For anyone to say it wasn't is not only infuriating to me, it is sad. It makes me angry and it makes me sad. I don't want to bring my children up in a world that dismisses the lives of anyone, especially because of race, religion, gender, etc. Yet here I am, bringing my children up in a world that dismisses the lives of black people right in their hometown. It is also the same world that tells me I hate cops because I believe black lives matter. They are not mutually exclusive. It's not one or the other. It's just that people need to realize black lives matter, TOO. Just as much as anyone else's life matters.

"Disowning" a family member

The other day, my home phone rang (yes, I still have a land line) and my husband answered. He did not recognize the number but it was a local call so he thought it might be important. Instead, he got an automated call that was specifically looking for my brother about an outstanding bill. Keep in mind, my brother has never lived with me except when we were kids. Since about 18 years old, we have never shared the same address or phone number. We have not had the same last name in almost 20 years, when I was married and took my husband's surname. My brother is now almost 50 years old yet I have bill collectors calling my house looking for him.

I hit the roof and sent a private message via social media. Before you judge, that is the only way I know I can reach him because he changes his phone number so often that I rarely have a current number. I asked why the f**k I was getting phone calls for him from bill collectors. Then I really tore into him, telling him (more or less) to grow the f**k up and pay his f***ing bills and to keep me out of it.

He replied with this, copied verbatim:

I'm in a great mood. Not sure what's going on. No reason to say this but I have no credit cards, my car payment on time and we just bought (wife's name) a car. Unless it's an old hospital bill...be livid! I don't care! Don't ever text or invite me anywhere. You're dead to me!!! I'm only concerned about two people in my family. Wanna guess? Just remember I want nothing to do with you ever again. This is our last conversation. Have a great day

So instead of owning it, or offering to find out why someone was calling my house looking for him, he automatically turned this around on me. He never said he did anything wrong. He does mention an old hospital bill, which means he definitely has something out there that is unpaid. Regardless, he used my phone number to avoid getting calls from collectors. He never had any intention of paying the bill.

He told me not to "text or invite" him anywhere. That's funny because he never shows up for family get-togethers anyway. My kids are teenagers and barely know their uncle. My two younger nieces (both under 10) don't really know him at all. He also has a child out there somewhere, now an adult, from a pregnancy he ran away from. He literally packed his bags and moved out of town to avoid being a responsible adult. His kid is probably about 23-24 years old by now. That kid is probably better off not having a biological father in his/her life.

This is not the first time he has done this to a family member. Our mother filed bankruptcy when he kept "borrowing" money from her that she simply did not have. He took thousands of dollars from her and never paid her back. She lost her house because of him. He spent the money on cocaine. The craziest part is, our mother continues to enable him and constantly makes excuses for his irresponsible behavior.

My brother is an alcoholic, gets fired from every job he has, lies constantly, and blames everyone else for his problems. He drinks all day every Saturday and recovers from a hangover every Sunday. He is exactly like my father in every way. After my parents divorced, my dad remarried and only spent time with his new wife and her family. He had nothing to do with me and my three brothers. Now the same is happening, as my brother only spends time with his wife and her family. If I see him once a year, that is a big year. I haven't seen him since last November when he showed up at our brother's for about an hour on Thanksgiving. He did not show up for Christmas at my house. He never shows up for his nieces and nephews birthdays. Ever.

When my mom passes, I know for sure I will never see him again. For now I am not sure what to think but I know that I am not going to let this bother me. If he hates me because I called him out on his bullshit, so be it. If this is really what made him tell me I am "dead" to him, he has bigger problems than I can ever imagine. But you know what? I have more important things to worry about than whether or not a lying drunk cares about me, regardless of how we are related. Good riddance.

DIY Bulletin Board

I had a bulletin board in my kitchen and it was ugly and cluttered with paper. I decided to create a command center in my kitchen so I started by ordering a wall pocket and chalkboard. 

I needed to find a bulletin board that coordinated. I could find nothing I liked, then I found this at Goodwill.

I bought it with plans to transform it into something awesome. I went to Lowe's and got some supplies, including a roll of cork, spray adhesive, and spray paint.

I had the utility knife and sandpaper already. After dismantling the message board, I used 150 grit sandpaper to sand the glossy finish off the white frame. Then it was ready for paint.

I painted it, front and back, with a nice, even coat. Front, then back, then a second coat on the front. It already looked a million times better. 

Next, I used the board to measure out the cork. I cut the cork to the size of the board to make sure it fit in the frame. I used two pieces to double the thickness so thumb tacks would work (the roll is really thin). Using spray adhesive, I attached one layer of cork, sprayed adhesive on that, then topped with the second cork layer.

Next, I wrapped the cork with a layer of interfacing I had with my fabric supplies. I used a hot glue gun for this.

Then the fun part: fabric! I had this leftover from some pillow covers I made so I used it...plus I love the colors and the chevron pattern.

I used the wrapped cork board to measure the fabric and cut enough to wrap the board. Again using the glue gun, I wrapped it with fabric (after ironing the wrinkles out first).

Then I had this.

By this time, the paint was dry so it was time to assemble the board, frame and back.

I put some of the interfacing down to protect the frame, which is face down, then I put the fabric covered cork board in the frame.

Adding so much thickness to the original board meant that the back was more difficult to put on. I had to use longer screws but I managed to reattach the back to the frame. I was going to just re-use the old screws but instead I gathered a hodgepodge of longer screws from my husband's stash.

Ready for the finished product?

Just a tiny bit better, right?!?! I love it and it looks great in my command corner in the kitchen.

An Open Letter to my Sister-in-law, revisited

Since you didn't get the message the first time, let's try again...

I've known you since we were 12 years old. We finished grade school and high school together. You married my brother when we were 21 years young. About seven years ago, I wrote a letter on your behalf to adopt your daughter. Now, almost 23 years after you married my brother, you are filing for divorce. Wow.

I know he's a pain. He's a lot to deal with. He has many issues, especially his lack of self-confidence. He struggles with his weight. He has a thorny relationship with his mother. He also had that with his father. Wait, am I talking about him or am I talking about you? Parallel universe.

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I just want you to step back and not be so quick to lay blame. Your relationship with my brother has been a struggle for many years. I don't blame you for wanting to get out, to move on, to start fresh. I support this one hundred percent. You've grown apart. It happens. That's okay. All I ask is that you don't make it ugly. You need to be civil. Be mature. Be an adult. No mud slinging. No false accusations and speculations. And, most of all, put your daughter first.

As someone who grew up without a father, don't isolate her from her daddy. While you may want to hurt him because you are hurting, in the end your daughter will suffer the most. Take it from me...I know. Don't fight him on this. Instead you should welcome joint custody. As a single mother with a high school education, you are going to struggle. He will take care of his daughter. He will not let her go without. Trust me on this.

There is one last point to make. Probably the most important. Do not bad talk him to your daughter. I cannot tell you how awful it was to grow up hearing about what a piece of shit my dad was. My mom said it. My grandmother said it. My aunts said it. Before I knew it, I was saying it. Keep your negative comments to yourself. She doesn't need to hear that about her daddy, her first and most important male role model.

Call me if you would like to discuss.

Posted via Blogaway

Growing families and infertility

While I am finished having babies, my sisters-in-law and brothers have helped fill the "baby void" in my life. I am happy with two children--never wanted any more or any less--but I love babies. Now I get to live vicariously through other family members who are just starting their families (or who started within the past few years).

The latest addition is my niece, who was born just over three weeks ago. She is the second child for my sister-in-law and her husband whose son is now 2-1/2 years old. Both of their children were adopted through domestic, open adoption. Their baby girl came from a young, unwed college student and her boyfriend. They were not ready for children because both are committed to getting their education. They made the ultimate sacrifice by giving the gift of their daughter to a family who could not have their own biological children. Their son's birth mother was on her own and made a choice to give up her son to a family who could take better care of him than she could. She, too, made the ultimate sacrifice and gave the gift of her son.

On my side of the family, I have two nieces. One is the result of IVF, the other an open, domestic adoption. My nieces are six months apart so are very much like sisters rather than cousins. My adopted niece has two older half-siblings who still live with their mother. My niece is the result of a one-night-stand, and came at a time when her birth mother could barely take care of the two children she had, let alone a newborn. She gave her third child up for adoption so her daughter could have a better life with a family who desperately wanted a child.

I am an avid supporter of reproductive rights. I am pro-choice, pro-birth control, and pro-family. That being said, I am grateful to the three women who chose to carry their pregnancies to term then give the babies up for adoption. Those three babies are now part of my extended family.

What I have to emphasize here is that each of these women had a choice. There are also women who make other choices when faced with unplanned pregnancies. Many choose to terminate their pregnancies while many others choose to raise the child themselves. Each of these women can make choices for herself. It should not be up to lawmakers to decide for these women what is best for the women. It also should not be up to any of us to judge women for the choices they make for themselves.

That is all...just wanted to get that off my chest.

IASIP (Charlie Day is my fave)

For those who are not aware of that acronym, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. If you haven't watched it, you should. Right now it's in reruns every Monday night for two hours (9 to 11 EDT, or 8 to 10 CDT) on Comedy Central. It's an FX original and it's funny as shit.

Frank, Dennis, Sweet Dee, Mac & Charlie

Check it out here: 

It's as wrong as wrong can be for a basic cable show. The word shit is used often, as is asshole and goddammit. Oh yeah, son of a bitch and dick are also tossed about, along with various tenses of the verb bang, so it's not for prudes. If you have a good, sick sense of humor and you have not seen it, please do yourself a favor and watch it.

It's about two siblings--twins actually--Dennis and Dee and their "dad" Frank, along with Charlie and Mac. Together they own Paddy's Pub. They are shallow, manipulative, narcissistic, and drunk. Tune in if you know what's good for you. Season 7 starts filming in about a month, so come September you will find brand new episodes. Until then, watch Monday nights or buy the DVDs.

Dennis, Mac, Charlie & Dee at Paddy's Pub

Getting it together

I recently resigned from a part-time job with a local non-profit organization. After I graduated with my B.A. last spring, I searched for the "perfect" job within the non-profit sector. I took the job because it was a part-time, grant-funded, one-year gig. It sounded like a great opportunity for me to learn, gain a great deal of experience, start from the ground up, prove my abilities, network, and move on to the next gig. Well, it didn't turn out to be quite what I was hoping it would be.

It was with a well-established and highly respected organization. I worked for a fantastic supervisor and many wonderful co-workers. But my heart was just not in it. I figured it out about three months into the job but thought I would just work through the difficulties and come out stronger for it. I lasted another three months and I resigned. I just didn't have the freedom I thought I would have with the project I was hired to work on, thereby eliminating any sort of first hand experience I was hoping to gain.

While this may sound petty, I don't believe it was. I was hired to do a job and I felt I was prevented from doing the job for which I was hired. I was trusted to take the lead on a special project but I seemed to be second-guessed on many of the decisions I made. At this point in my life, it just was not worth it. I am fortunate enough to have the option to work or stay home, so I chose the latter. Until I find something that I am passionate about, I am opting to organize my home and my life.

Even working part-time made things difficult to keep things in order at home. I am a good worker, writer, employee, subordinate, organizer...however you want to label it. I'm good at what I do and I strive for perfection. If I don't have the ability to show that with my work, then why would I want to stick around?