goody for you: something sweet to eat
the thoughts of a liberal 40-something full-time mom & part-time advocate
Friday, September 15, 2017
No justice
Thursday, August 10, 2017
"Disowning" a family member
I hit the roof and sent a private message via social media. Before you judge, that is the only way I know I can reach him because he changes his phone number so often that I rarely have a current number. I asked why the f**k I was getting phone calls for him from bill collectors. Then I really tore into him, telling him (more or less) to grow the f**k up and pay his f***ing bills and to keep me out of it.
He replied with this, copied verbatim:
I'm in a great mood. Not sure what's going on. No reason to say this but I have no credit cards, my car payment on time and we just bought (wife's name) a car. Unless it's an old hospital bill...be livid! I don't care! Don't ever text or invite me anywhere. You're dead to me!!! I'm only concerned about two people in my family. Wanna guess? Just remember I want nothing to do with you ever again. This is our last conversation. Have a great daySo instead of owning it, or offering to find out why someone was calling my house looking for him, he automatically turned this around on me. He never said he did anything wrong. He does mention an old hospital bill, which means he definitely has something out there that is unpaid. Regardless, he used my phone number to avoid getting calls from collectors. He never had any intention of paying the bill.
He told me not to "text or invite" him anywhere. That's funny because he never shows up for family get-togethers anyway. My kids are teenagers and barely know their uncle. My two younger nieces (both under 10) don't really know him at all. He also has a child out there somewhere, now an adult, from a pregnancy he ran away from. He literally packed his bags and moved out of town to avoid being a responsible adult. His kid is probably about 23-24 years old by now. That kid is probably better off not having a biological father in his/her life.
This is not the first time he has done this to a family member. Our mother filed bankruptcy when he kept "borrowing" money from her that she simply did not have. He took thousands of dollars from her and never paid her back. She lost her house because of him. He spent the money on cocaine. The craziest part is, our mother continues to enable him and constantly makes excuses for his irresponsible behavior.
My brother is an alcoholic, gets fired from every job he has, lies constantly, and blames everyone else for his problems. He drinks all day every Saturday and recovers from a hangover every Sunday. He is exactly like my father in every way. After my parents divorced, my dad remarried and only spent time with his new wife and her family. He had nothing to do with me and my three brothers. Now the same is happening, as my brother only spends time with his wife and her family. If I see him once a year, that is a big year. I haven't seen him since last November when he showed up at our brother's for about an hour on Thanksgiving. He did not show up for Christmas at my house. He never shows up for his nieces and nephews birthdays. Ever.
When my mom passes, I know for sure I will never see him again. For now I am not sure what to think but I know that I am not going to let this bother me. If he hates me because I called him out on his bullshit, so be it. If this is really what made him tell me I am "dead" to him, he has bigger problems than I can ever imagine. But you know what? I have more important things to worry about than whether or not a lying drunk cares about me, regardless of how we are related. Good riddance.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
DIY Bulletin Board
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
An Open Letter to my Sister-in-law, revisited
Since you didn't get the message the first time, let's try again...
I've known you since we were 12 years old. We finished grade school and high school together. You married my brother when we were 21 years young. About seven years ago, I wrote a letter on your behalf to adopt your daughter. Now, almost 23 years after you married my brother, you are filing for divorce. Wow.
I know he's a pain. He's a lot to deal with. He has many issues, especially his lack of self-confidence. He struggles with his weight. He has a thorny relationship with his mother. He also had that with his father. Wait, am I talking about him or am I talking about you? Parallel universe.
I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I just want you to step back and not be so quick to lay blame. Your relationship with my brother has been a struggle for many years. I don't blame you for wanting to get out, to move on, to start fresh. I support this one hundred percent. You've grown apart. It happens. That's okay. All I ask is that you don't make it ugly. You need to be civil. Be mature. Be an adult. No mud slinging. No false accusations and speculations. And, most of all, put your daughter first.
As someone who grew up without a father, don't isolate her from her daddy. While you may want to hurt him because you are hurting, in the end your daughter will suffer the most. Take it from me...I know. Don't fight him on this. Instead you should welcome joint custody. As a single mother with a high school education, you are going to struggle. He will take care of his daughter. He will not let her go without. Trust me on this.
There is one last point to make. Probably the most important. Do not bad talk him to your daughter. I cannot tell you how awful it was to grow up hearing about what a piece of shit my dad was. My mom said it. My grandmother said it. My aunts said it. Before I knew it, I was saying it. Keep your negative comments to yourself. She doesn't need to hear that about her daddy, her first and most important male role model.
Call me if you would like to discuss.
Posted via Blogaway
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Growing families and infertility
The latest addition is my niece, who was born just over three weeks ago. She is the second child for my sister-in-law and her husband whose son is now 2-1/2 years old. Both of their children were adopted through domestic, open adoption. Their baby girl came from a young, unwed college student and her boyfriend. They were not ready for children because both are committed to getting their education. They made the ultimate sacrifice by giving the gift of their daughter to a family who could not have their own biological children. Their son's birth mother was on her own and made a choice to give up her son to a family who could take better care of him than she could. She, too, made the ultimate sacrifice and gave the gift of her son.
On my side of the family, I have two nieces. One is the result of IVF, the other an open, domestic adoption. My nieces are six months apart so are very much like sisters rather than cousins. My adopted niece has two older half-siblings who still live with their mother. My niece is the result of a one-night-stand, and came at a time when her birth mother could barely take care of the two children she had, let alone a newborn. She gave her third child up for adoption so her daughter could have a better life with a family who desperately wanted a child.
I am an avid supporter of reproductive rights. I am pro-choice, pro-birth control, and pro-family. That being said, I am grateful to the three women who chose to carry their pregnancies to term then give the babies up for adoption. Those three babies are now part of my extended family.
What I have to emphasize here is that each of these women had a choice. There are also women who make other choices when faced with unplanned pregnancies. Many choose to terminate their pregnancies while many others choose to raise the child themselves. Each of these women can make choices for herself. It should not be up to lawmakers to decide for these women what is best for the women. It also should not be up to any of us to judge women for the choices they make for themselves.
That is all...just wanted to get that off my chest.
Monday, April 4, 2011
IASIP (Charlie Day is my fave)
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| Frank, Dennis, Sweet Dee, Mac & Charlie |
Check it out here:
It's about two siblings--twins actually--Dennis and Dee and their "dad" Frank, along with Charlie and Mac. Together they own Paddy's Pub. They are shallow, manipulative, narcissistic, and drunk. Tune in if you know what's good for you. Season 7 starts filming in about a month, so come September you will find brand new episodes. Until then, watch Monday nights or buy the DVDs.
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| Dennis, Mac, Charlie & Dee at Paddy's Pub |
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Getting it together
It was with a well-established and highly respected organization. I worked for a fantastic supervisor and many wonderful co-workers. But my heart was just not in it. I figured it out about three months into the job but thought I would just work through the difficulties and come out stronger for it. I lasted another three months and I resigned. I just didn't have the freedom I thought I would have with the project I was hired to work on, thereby eliminating any sort of first hand experience I was hoping to gain.
While this may sound petty, I don't believe it was. I was hired to do a job and I felt I was prevented from doing the job for which I was hired. I was trusted to take the lead on a special project but I seemed to be second-guessed on many of the decisions I made. At this point in my life, it just was not worth it. I am fortunate enough to have the option to work or stay home, so I chose the latter. Until I find something that I am passionate about, I am opting to organize my home and my life.
Even working part-time made things difficult to keep things in order at home. I am a good worker, writer, employee, subordinate, organizer...however you want to label it. I'm good at what I do and I strive for perfection. If I don't have the ability to show that with my work, then why would I want to stick around?

























